Lost in Picking a Path

      First off, I noticed that I get so many views from people out of my country and I can't express how happy it makes me. I was so afraid after I sent off my first post and broadcasted it on all my social media platforms; that it would just be me talking it out to myself. I am so happy that I can reach people from all over. Although I started writing for myself to help with the depression and pain I felt, I secretly hoped I could reach people all over the world. I share my story of how I'm existing in this frustrating world to help people know that they aren't alone and they never have to be. Whether it gets better tomorrow or in a few years the change has to start with you wanting to wholeheartedly give in to put good karma out. Alright, I'll stop with the sappy "wish" and change the subject. If you need help in any way write a comment don't be afraid. It's harder to deal with things alone.

      Okay, so now onto the topic I planned for this post. I am really having trouble deciding what I want to do with my life, at least career-wise. I truly want to be a writer and publish a book or several. On the other hand, I feel blocked and distracted, I've started working on a new project using Wattpad. I will leave a link to my profile if you want to try and read it.

     I have also started a small sticker business that doesn't have a site yet but it's keeping me busy. Where I live I have been struggling to get a job and with everything going on it has made it ten times harder. I just want to make things happen and move forward but it's becoming so hard to have a positive look when all I keep hearing is "when are you going to get a job?" or "are you even looking?" This is my bio family that's dropping these comments. My boyfriend is being so supportive by reminding me that it takes time and he's looking too. Although he doesn't mind a work from home job, he's admitted that he would like me to have a physical one so he can go and bug me occasionally at work. It's sweet.

    The only thing is that I don't have what they are looking for despite using all my knowledge of how to present myself. I just want my anxiety to go away. Being around people makes me so anxious now. I start with a boost of confidence then my anxiety creeps in and just punches me square in the face. Who knows maybe I do need to try talking to a psychiatrist again, one who won't make me feel like they are patronizing. I can't do sympathy it makes me angry and talking makes me angry because I don't understand most of the time. doing this, writing helps tremendously. It makes me feel safe to say whatever I am really feeling. That's it for this post, see y'all soon.


link for Whirlwind on the Wattpad profile.